I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
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hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
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I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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