My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
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threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
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At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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