i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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