In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize