so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
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My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
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That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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