peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
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