Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
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According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
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could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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