Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
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Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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