I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I'm bleeding and have questions
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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