Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
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I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
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I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize