the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
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There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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