he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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