it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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