We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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