Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize