Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
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It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
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The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
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