That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
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She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
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But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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