i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize