My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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