He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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