Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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