can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
her facebook's as public as her vagina
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
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I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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