fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
The Olympian is in my bed
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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