I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
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