If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize