i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize