I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
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