Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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