shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
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