Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize