I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize