she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize