there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
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I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
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Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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