and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
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She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
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When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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