Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
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Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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