If i come over, it means nothing
You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
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I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
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She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I am one with the molecules
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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