a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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