Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
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