i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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