So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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