my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
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They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
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How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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