I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
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