I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
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I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
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Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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