oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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