It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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