i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
there was a trapeze. enough said
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
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I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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