remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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