Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
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Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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