Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
wow bdsm is so cute
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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