i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
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so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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